I buried my face in my hands, sobbing inconsolably. I didn’t despise his money. I was hurt that this money was obtained in exchange for his life and his brilliant career. He had sold everything excepted walking away with empty hands just to leave me a fortune and an eternal remorse.
I will keep your money, I thought, but not to enjoy it. I’ll use it to fulfill your unfinished dreams, to live a life worthy of your great sacrifice.
The video was nearing its end. The light in the room seemed dimmer. Or maybe it was my eyes clouded by tears. Daniel looked much more tired. He rested his head against the pillow, his eyelids drooping, but he fought to keep them open, fixed on the camera. His breathing was heavy, his chest rising and falling with difficulty.
“Laura.” He called my name, his voice a whisper. “I know you’re crying. You cry a lot, don’t you? I already told you. Don’t cry. You get so ugly with your red nose and swollen eyes. You have to smile. Smile like the day I proposed to you.”
He tried to move his hand across the screen as if to wipe my tears.
“Come on, be good. When I’m gone, you have to live happily for both of us. You have to dress well. Wear makeup. Go out with your friends. Don’t lock yourself in the past. Don’t get depressed over a dead man. I don’t want to see you sad. I couldn’t rest in peace.”
I shook my head. The tears kept falling. How could I be happy knowing this painful truth? How could I smile when the man who loved me most had gone in solitude and pain?
“You’re selfish, Daniel.” You ask me to forget you, to be happy, but you leave me with such a profound longing.
“Find a good man,” Daniel said, his voice choked. Each word a wound for him and for me. “Find someone healthy who can live to be 100 to take care of you, not a wreck like me. Someone who knows how to cook, who pampers you, who comforts you when you cry. If he makes you suffer, take my money, throw the bills in his face, and leave. Don’t put up with anything. Got it.”
I felt like salt was being poured on my wound. He was giving me instructions to marry someone else. He was pushing me into the arms of a stranger before he drew his last breath. Does such a noble and foolish man exist. He loved me. He was jealous of a stranger, but he was willing to bless my happiness with another just because he knew he could no longer make me happy.
“I’m serious.” Daniel looked at me, his eyes so sincere it hurt. “I’m not jealous. Well, maybe a little, just a little. But I’d rather see you happy with someone else than for you to be alone your whole life. You deserve to be loved. Laura, you’re the best woman in the world. I just wasn’t lucky enough to walk with you to the end of the road.”
I buried my head on the table, sobs, choking me. Daniel, please stop. There is no one better than you. No one who would love me with their life like you did. You set the bar for love so high that all other men seem insignificant. You tell me to find happiness, but my happiness left with you to that cold grave.
The laptop screen began to flicker. The battery on Ethan’s camera must have been dying, just like Daniel’s life. His image was intermittent, but his voice continued, weak yet longing. He looked at the camera one last time, his eyes holding a universe of love and longing, as if he wanted to burn my image into his soul to take with him to the next world.
“If there’s a next life,” Daniel said, his voice breaking. “I promise you. I promise I’ll exercise every day. I’ll eat healthy. I won’t smoke. I won’t work late. I’ll have a strong, healthy body.”
He paused to take a breath, pain contorting his face, but he still tried to smile.
“I’ll live a long time until I’m 99 to be a grumpy old man next to my grumpy old Laura. In the next life, I won’t fight you. I won’t lie and say I don’t love you anymore. I won’t play the traitor. I won’t get a divorce. We’ll argue. We’ll get mad. But we’ll never let go of each other’s hand. Okay.”
I nodded frantically at the screen as if he could see me. Okay, Daniel. Yes. A thousand times. Yes. We got it wrong in this life. We owe each other too many tears and misunderstandings. If there is a next life, I will find you. I will make you keep your promise. I won’t let you push me away. No matter what, I’ll hold on to you.
“I’m tired.” Daniel sighed, his eyelids heavy. “I need to sleep for a bit. Ethan is already scolding me. Goodbye, Laura. Remember to live well. I love you. I love you more than anything in the world.”
The image blurred and then went black. The video ended. The room fell into a terrifying silence, broken only by my sobs and the worring of the laptop’s fan. I stared at the black screen, a feeling of emptiness washing over me. He was really gone. His final goodbye, his promise for the next life had been delivered, leaving me alone in this vast world.
I hugged the laptop, resting my face on the still warm screen as if searching for one last trace of his heat. Daniel, I heard you. I promise I will live well. But you have to keep your promise, too. In the next life, you have to find me. You can’t abandon me again.
That promise of another life seemed distant and vague, but it was the only hope I could cling to. I believed that death was not the end, just a temporary separation. Somewhere in another time and space, he was waiting for me, healthy and smiling, ready to take my hand and continue our journey.
I closed the laptop and put it back in its place. The atmosphere in the apartment felt colder after Daniel’s voice faded. Ethan was still on the balcony, his cigarette had long since burned out, the ash falling to the floor. He came in, looked at my swollen eyes, sighed, and sat on the plastic chair. It was time to hear the end of this tragic story. The part I feared most but needed to know.
“That night,” Ethan began, his voice low, like an echo from beyond the grave. “It was pouring rain, just like the day you went to the courthouse. Thunder and lightning. The wind howled at the windows like a lament. Daniel was very weak. He hadn’t eaten anything all day, just delirious.”
I held my breath, my heart clenching. I remembered that stormy night. I was curled up in my bed, listening to the rain, feeling empty. I didn’t know that not far away, my ex-husband was drawing his last breaths.
“Just before dawn, he suddenly woke up, ‘Lucid,’” Ethan continued, his gaze distant. “He asked me to help him sit up. He looked out the window toward your apartment. ‘The light in your room was already off. You were probably asleep.’ He stared as if to burn that image into his memory one last time. Then he turned to me and said, ‘Ethan, I’m so cold. I want to go home, but my home isn’t mine anymore.’”
That sentence was a stab to my heart. His house, our home, he had sold it to give me the money. He wanted to go home, but he had nowhere to go. He died in a temporary, cold, and strange rented room with no family other than his best friend.
“He started to get delirious.” Ethan’s voice broke. “He kept saying your name over and over. Laura, it hurts. Laura, don’t leave me. He waved his hands in the air as if searching for someone’s hand. I took his hand. It was ice cold and skeletal. I told him, ‘I’m here. Ethan is here. Hold on.’ But he couldn’t hear me. He just kept saying your name.”
I covered my mouth to keep from wailing. He called for me as he was dying. He needed me. He wanted me by his side. And where was I? Sleeping peacefully or dreaming of a bright future without him. My indifference was the life sentence I would have to carry for the rest of my days.
“And then he was gone,” Ethan said, his voice barely a whisper. “He passed at dawn just as the rain stopped. He went peacefully like a candle burning out. His eyes were still open, looking toward the window, toward your home. I had to close them several times. He asked for a simple funeral, to be cremated, and his ashes left at a temple without any big ceremony without notifying anyone, especially you. He was afraid that if you found out, you would come and see his ravaged body.”
I listened, feeling my soul leave my body. He died alone, consumed by longing and worry for the one he left behind. He didn’t allow anyone to mourn him, to give him a proper funeral. He disappeared from this world in silence, as if he had never existed, just to protect my peace. His death was the saddest, most silent note in the tragic symphony of our life.
I insisted on seeing Daniel’s grave immediately, despite Ethan trying to dissuade me, saying it was already getting dark and that I wasn’t well after such a shock. I couldn’t wait another minute. I wanted to see him, to touch the place where he rested, even if it was just a cold grave.
