Birthdays where Sadie got elaborate surprises while mine were simple and practical. Vacations organized around what she liked to do. Family photos where she stood in the middle while I naturally, silently, moved toward the edge.
I had not imagined the imbalance.
I had just learned not to name it.
Around midnight, I pulled out my old laptop—the one Sadie had discarded when she got a newer one—and typed into the search bar: full scholarships for independent students.
The results filled the screen.
Deadlines. Essays. Grants. Fellowships. Part-time job forums. Student housing threads. Impossible odds and tiny openings.
I kept scrolling.
Because if they thought I was not worth investing in, then I would have to become the person who invested in herself.
Downstairs, my parents were still talking about Ashford Heights and all the doors it would open for Sadie. No one came to check on me. No one knocked on my door.
I opened a notebook and started writing numbers. Tuition. Books. Rent. Work hours. Transportation. Food. Every calculation made my stomach tighten, but each line also gave me something I had not felt all evening.
Control.
That was the night I stopped waiting to be chosen.
The next morning felt almost offensively normal. Sunlight poured into the kitchen. My father reviewed meal plan options for Sadie over breakfast. My mother showed her photos of dorm furniture and pastel bedding. Sadie laughed and talked about campus events and the kind of people she hoped to meet.
I sat there quietly eating toast.
Nobody asked how I was going to pay for school.
