Twenty.
Still, I bookmarked that one too. Because sometimes belief begins before confidence does.
The rest of that summer unfolded in two completely different worlds under the same roof. Downstairs, my parents helped Sadie order bedding, furniture, and travel outfits for Ashford Heights. Boxes filled the hallway. Excitement followed her through every room.
Upstairs, I researched housing, jobs, and class schedules. I built a future so quietly that no one seemed to notice it was happening.
A week before school started, Sadie posted beach photos with captions about new beginnings and endless possibilities. I packed thrift-store sheets and secondhand notebooks into an old suitcase.
By then, our lives were already splitting apart.
The first day I arrived at Silver Lake State, I had two suitcases, a backpack full of borrowed textbooks, and a bank balance that made me feel sick every time I checked it.
Orientation week was a parade of families carrying boxes into dorm buildings, hugging their kids, taking photos on the lawn, promising visits and care packages and Sunday phone calls.
I dragged my luggage across campus alone.
Dorm housing cost too much, so I rented a tiny room in an aging house five blocks from campus. The walls were thin. The heater clanged. The paint near the window peeled in long curls. Four other students lived there, but we all kept different schedules and moved around each other like strangers in a train station.
My room was barely big enough for a narrow bed and a small desk pressed against the wall.
Still, it was mine.
Affordable meant possible.
My alarm went off at 4:30 every morning. By five, I was at a campus café called Lantern Coffee, tying on an apron while half-awake students shuffled in for drinks and breakfast sandwiches. I learned orders faster than names. Smiling became muscle memory.
Classes filled the rest of the day—economics, statistics, writing, political theory. I sat near the front and took careful notes because I could not afford to miss anything, not even once.
At night I studied until my eyes blurred. On weekends I cleaned residence halls for extra money. Most days I slept four hours. Some days, less.
While other freshmen went to football games or late-night parties, I memorized formulas during lunch breaks and hunted down cheaper used textbooks online. I learned which library corners stayed warm in winter and which vending machine on the third floor sometimes dropped two granola bars instead of one if you hit the buttons in a certain order.
Small victories mattered when everything else was held together by effort.
