Joanna Lawson walked into Mercy Creek Medical on a cold Tuesday morning in January while carrying a small rolling suitcase. She wore a wool sweater she had owned since her sophomore year of college and carried an exhaustion that came from months of learning how to keep moving while her life quietly caved in.
The automatic doors opened with a hiss and let out a gust of over-heated hospital air that smelled of antiseptic and coffee. Outside, the sky over Charlotte was a pale, colorless gray that made the city look unsure of its own identity in the winter.
Inside, everything was warm and procedural as though bodies had to be coaxed into believing that pain could be made orderly with enough clipboards. Joanna had packed her bag three times before she finally left her apartment that morning.
The first time, she had packed a novel she knew she would never read and a candle she knew the hospital would never allow. She had stood in the middle of her room looking at those foolish objects and understanding that she wanted comfort rather than practicality.
She wanted a version of herself who was still capable of expecting to be soothed by someone else. She wanted a day where someone would have told her not to worry because they had already thought of everything.
She had taken the candle out first and then the book. In their place, she packed extra socks, a phone charger, lip balm, a granola bar, and an old photograph she had once taken from her window.
It was not a picture of a person but rather a shot of the late afternoon light spilling across a parking lot. She did not know why she packed it, but perhaps it proved there had once been an ordinary day she had not yet lost.
At the admissions desk, the intake nurse looked up with the professional warmth of someone who had welcomed thousands of women through this threshold. She had a kind face and a ponytail so neat it seemed immune to the chaos of a maternity ward.
“Morning, honey,” the nurse said as she pulled a form toward her. “What is your name?”
“Joanna Lawson,” she replied while resting her hand on the counter.
